Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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PitchBlackProgress
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by PitchBlackProgress »

I dont think many people understand how to do these :lol:
Yeah, Godzilla wins... sometimes. I mean, he was killed by Dr. Serizawa's patented bubble-bath formula, heartburn, missiles, and poor box office returns, got his ass kicked by a drunken, circus-escaped gorilla, then he was beaten by two newborn worms, yeah some “king”.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by GojiDog »

The Return of Godzilla (Original Cut) = Watch as everyone works together to save the world!

Godzilla 1985 (US Cut) = Watch as the evil Soviets try to blow up Tokyo!

Godzilla Vs. Biollante = Watch this director's cut of Little Shop of Horrors. The ending may surprise you.

Godzilla Vs. King Ghidorah = James Cameron, Steve Spielberg, and HG Wells ideas are put into a blender and splattered onto the screen for our amusement.

Godzilla Vs. Mothra = This is the first and last time you'll see Indiana Jones in an environmentalist PSA.

Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla = Godzilla Vs. Mecha King Ghidorah Round II

Godzilla Vs. Spacegodzilla = Part of me wishes Spacegodzilla had a goatee I could make a Star Trek Mirror-verse joke. Anyways, watch as a blue dinosaur decorates planet Earth for the intergalactic space ball!

Godzilla Vs. Destroyah = Godzilla battles Xenomorphs...possessed by Satan.
Last edited by GojiDog on Sat Aug 18, 2018 8:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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The Return of Godzilla- Godzilla falls into a volcano after decimating a giant flying metal children's toy.

Godzilla vs. Biollante- Japan tries to give Godzilla an infection by using another children's toy.

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah- Godzilla fulfills every Japanese’s wet dream by fucking up American soldiers during a battle in World War II.

Godzilla and Mothra- Girl with family issues helps two giant insects fight off a radioactive zombie dinosaur to make everything right again.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II- Your hopes for humanity having a slight bit of intelligence are completely dashed when you see them take GODZILLA'S MOTHERFUCK'N EGG after he beats the shit out of Rodan over it. Yep, these people are completely alien to the concept of hindsight…
Last edited by PitchBlackProgress on Sun Aug 19, 2018 6:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
Yeah, Godzilla wins... sometimes. I mean, he was killed by Dr. Serizawa's patented bubble-bath formula, heartburn, missiles, and poor box office returns, got his ass kicked by a drunken, circus-escaped gorilla, then he was beaten by two newborn worms, yeah some “king”.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Titanoterror98 »

GojiDog wrote:The Return of Godzilla (Original Cut) = Watch as everyone works together to save the world!

Godzilla 1985 (US Cut) = Watch as the evil Soviets try to blow up Tokyo!

Godzilla Vs. Biollante = Watch this director's cut of Little Shop of Horrors. The ending may surprise you.

Godzilla Vs. King Ghidorah = James Cameron, Steve Spielberg, and HG Wells ideas are put into a blender and splattered onto the screen for our amusement.

Godzilla Vs. Mothra = This is the first and last time you'll see Indiana Jones in an environmentalist PSA.

Godzilla Vs. Mechagodzilla = Godzilla Vs. Mecha King Ghidorah Round II

Godzilla Vs. Spacegodzilla = Part of me wishes Spacegodzilla had a goatee I could make a Star Trek Mirror-verse joke. Anyways, watch as a blue dinosaur decorates planet Earth for the intergalactic space ball!

Godzilla Vs. Destroyah = Godzilla battles Xenomorphs...possessed by Satan.
These bad descriptions MAKE MY DAY!
If you know what I mean ;)
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by edgaguirus »

G vs Destroyah- Revenge of the oxygen destroyer.

Gamera GOTU- You'll believe a turtle can fly....and shoot fire balls at hungry flying lizards.
I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Gojirawars 03 »

The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla goes bird-watching, but one of the birds is a spaceship trying to kill him. Also, Dr Pepper.

Godzilla vs Biollante: Little Shop of Horrors but in Japan (with rock and roll).

Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: Doctor Who meets Star Trek meets Saving Private Ryan meets The Terminator but in Japan.

Godzilla vs Mothra: Indiana Jones but in Japan. Also there are two giant moths and a dinosaur. A rave ensues.

Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla II: A child custody dispute with a bird while playing Mann vs Machine. A rave ensues.

Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: Another child custody dispute but with the kid's uncle. A rave ensues.

Godzilla vs Destroyah: Satan vs a dinosaur with heartburn.

Added in 1 day 6 minutes 15 seconds:
Billzilla1974 wrote:
Lain Of The Wired wrote:
Billzilla1974 wrote: ACTUALLY a badly written movie with an overhyped, overused, failure of a Ghidorah incarnation with themes that are schizophrenic, overly complicated, and ultimately lead nowhere.
Heisei fans are just dumber than a bag of poop.:lol:
Also, M11 did 911.
Truest statement in this thread :lol:
Thanks.
Well pretty much every version of Ghidorah aside from GMK and Legendary have been the same basic thing: a dragon controlled by advanced evil people. Showa Ghidorah was always getting the crap kicked out of him as soon as his alien control wore off (the "destroyer of worlds" has one of his heads taken out by frickin Minilla). Heisei Ghidorah was basically the same thing, but with future people instead of aliens. Kaiser Ghidorah was probably the toughest one, but he was still alien controlled. So they all are kinda like that.
Last edited by Gojirawars 03 on Tue Oct 23, 2018 7:32 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Billzilla1974 »

Gojirawars 03 wrote: Well pretty much every version of Ghidorah aside from GMK and Legendary have been the same basic thing: a dragon controlled by advanced evil people. Showa Ghidorah was always getting the crap kicked out of him as soon as his alien control wore off (the "destroyer of worlds" has one of his heads taken out by frickin Minilla). Heisei Ghidorah was basically the same thing, but with future people instead of aliens. Kaiser Ghidorah was probably the toughest one, but he was still alien controlled. So they all are kinda like that.
I was joking about what i said about Heisei fans (and I actually enjoy G vs KG for the most part), although I still think the Showa series is superior to the Heisei series, which i find to be a little overrated.

As for Showa Ghiddy getting his ass kicked, it took three monsters using an unconventional tactic to force KG to flee in GTTHM, because when all three earth monsters tried to grapple Ghidorah, he knocked Rodan and Godzilla off of him and slammed Mothra onto the ground with his tail. even when they finally get KG to leave, they aren't able to kill him.
Godzilla and Rodan in Monster zero were able to get Ghidorah to leave again, but seemingly faired a bit worse, considering at least one of them didn't surface onscreen after KG retreats.
I'm pretty sure Rodan would've surfaced by the end if he wasn't injured in some way by Ghidorah while underwater. Even after his mind control was severed, KG still posed a serious threat to the duo.

Ghidorah held the advantage against standard Zone Fighter, who was as strong or slightly stronger than Showa Godzilla was in 1973/pre-MechaGodzilla.
By the time DAM takes place, Godzilla and company were most likely stronger than they were during the 70s(except maybe Rodan), and it took Goji, Anguirus, and Gorosaurus to finally kill Ghidorah. One thing to note is that we have no way of calculating how much stronger Minilla and his smoke rings got between the 60s and 1999. Another thing is that in DAM, Godzilla's atomic ray actually damaged King Ghidorah's neck for the first and only time in the Showa Era, implying he became more powerful in the time since Godzilla vs Gigan & Zone-Fighter.

I'm not saying Showa Ghidorah is stronger than Kaiser Ghidorah, but Showa Ghiddy is a lot more formidible than some people think.
Last edited by Billzilla1974 on Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Gamera: Guardian of the Universe - Long lost pet helps wipe out endangered species.

Gamera 2: Advent of Legion - Foreigners go absolutely berserk after hearing what's on the radio.

Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris - Homicidal tamagotchi causes elder to blow his arm off.
Last edited by Desghidorah on Sun Oct 28, 2018 1:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Godzilla vs. Mothra: And by that, we mean "Mothra vs. Her Edgelord of a Brother to save Earth for the 45656094694691986374610631nth time, with guest star Godzilla"
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: Godzilla meets his obese younger brother
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by tbeasley »

Return of Godzilla - Godzilla vs the Cold War; or, Japan Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Biollante - Godzilla vs Little Shop of Horrors; or, Godzilla by Way of Michael Crichton
King Ghidorah - Toho does too much MDMA
Mothra - Toho goes to rehab
Mechagodzilla II - Toho gets married, has kids
SpaceGodzilla - Toho relapses, does crack cocaine
Destoroyah - Toho goes back to rehab, but the damage is done
Godzilla 98 - Dean and Roland's super cool Jurassic Park fanfiction

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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla makes his comeback on the ultimate quest for REVENGE! And some good ol' Dr.Pepper!
Godzilla vs. Biollante: Godzilla vs. Some Looney's botched attempt at winning the worlds largest flower competition.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Furbees mutate into eldritch abomination, then fights Godzilla, who's radiation is going straight towards those thighs. Special guest appearance by the Copynator!
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II: Godzilla gets even thiccer as mankind tries to beat him in his own game. Oh yeah and Rodan turns into a Super Saiyan and gets overprotected of some egg that doesn't even belong to his species.
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Big G has a heart attack and skreoonking dies, but not before getting the worse case of crabs.
Rebirth of Mothra: The titular character of this movie gets the shaft in her own film, and replaced by her OP bastard of a son who fights Ghidorah's edgey teenaged year cousin.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Lizard's Comeback Time

Lizard versus Audrey III

Lizard versus Time Travel

Lizard vs Moth

Lizard versus Epcot

Lizard versus Crystal Meth

Cremated Lizard

Moth versus Hydra

Moth versus Starfish Mom

Moth versus G O L D

Iguana
Last edited by Cryptid_Liker on Tue May 19, 2020 12:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Children's Fantasty characters including Fluffly Moth kill Satan Dragon

Legends of The Hidden Temple: Atragon knock off edition (featuring Mothra)

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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by HedorahIsBestGirl »

I'll do titles because that's more fun:
Godzilla: The Return of Dr. Pepper (Officially Endorsed By Keurig Dr. Pepper and the Coca Cola Company)
Godzilla vs. Bad Engrish: Kiss You Guys
Godzilla vs. the Giant Plot Holes From the Future (and the Past)
Mothra the Remake, Now Featuring Godzilla! (Special Battra Edition)
Beam Wars Episode V: The Continuity Strikes Back
Godzilla vs. the Shittiest Ass Fucking Horrible Piece of Garbage Script Ever Written
The Death of Godzilla: Godzilla Dies In This One
Last edited by HedorahIsBestGirl on Tue May 19, 2020 8:35 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: Irresponsible time travelers leave behind their pets in a war zone.

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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla makes a comeback because Tomoyuki Tanaka says so and there is Cold War stuff going on because it was the 80s.

Godzilla vs Biollante: Poison Ivy took steroids and ate too much McDonald and Godzilla shows up because terrorists.

And I'm too lazy to write the rest, so I'll stop here.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Last edited by SoggyNoodles2016 on Fri Jul 30, 2021 6:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Godzilla vs Destoroyah - Godzilla fights oxygen crabs and then melts and then comes back.
Last edited by Rando Yaguchi on Fri Jul 30, 2021 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Gamera 2- The Orkin turtle eliminates space bugs.

Gamera 3- Girl discovers that Gyaos make horrible pets.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Bob Sherlock »

Return of Godzilla: Big Angry Nuclear Dino destroys Tokyo, gets drugged into cardiac arrest by a battle blimp, destroys more of Tokyo, then falls into a volcano after hearing some birds.

Godzilla vs. Biollante: Big Angry Nuclear Dino’s cells plus rose plus dead daughter of a scientist equals giant plan monster. Angry nuclear dino escapes and fights plant monster while getting drugged.

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Future people try to erase Big Angry Nuclear Dino from existence and replace him with three Furbies that turn into a hydra. Turns out Big Angry Nuclear Dino wasn’t erased from existence and becomes even Bigger Angry Nuclear Dino who fights Furby Hydra and later on, Mecha-Furby Hydra.

Godzilla vs. Mothra: Big Fluffy Moth fights Big Edgy Moth over Earth, Big Angry Nuclear Dino is just there for them to work together.

Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla 2: Humans make Big Angry Robot Dino to fight Big Angry Nuclear Dino and Big Scaly Birdie. Humans also discover they’re both after Baby Nuclear Dino. Big Angry Nuclear Dino gets his butt-brain destroyed only for Big Scaly Birdie to sacrifice himself and allow Big Angry Nuclear Dino to destroy Big Angry Robot Dino and adopt Baby Nuclear Dino.

Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: Big Angry Nuclear Dino and Baby Nuclear Dino live on an island in peace before Big Evil Space Dino kidnaps Baby Nuclear Dino, forcing Big Angry Nuclear Dino to team up with Big Robot Penguin.

Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Big Angry Nuclear Dino is dying of heartburn while fighting Big Evil Satanic Crustacean who killed Big Teen Nuclear Dino. Big Evil Satanic Crustacean dies of hypothermia and Big Angry Nuclear Dino dies to his heartburn, but leftover radiation turns Big Teen Nuclear Dino into another Big Angry Nuclear Dino.

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