Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Tarbosaurus »

The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla goes birdwatching while nations argue on who gets to blow up Japan first

Godzilla vs. Biollante: Genetic engineering and possessed plants make something that sounds like a whale.

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Retcons are Magic, and make you grow 20 meters taller

Godzilla vs. Mothra: Two bugs have relationship issues when Godzilla just kinda wanders in on set to collect his check, then plays mediator

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla 2: The most beam spamming custody battle I've seen in a long time

Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: A psychic hallucinates that she can see fairies riding on a butterfly

Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Awkward teenage years apparently cause one to eat whales

Rebirth of Mothra: Deforestation = Demon Dragons, don't use wood kids

Rebirth of Mothra 2: A furbee wizzes on people on heals them like Jesus

Rebirth of Mothra 3: Retcons are Magic 2: Electric Boogaloo
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by BlueGojira »

Godzilla 1984: Godzilla becomes enemies with Jay Jay the Jet Plane and follows some birds on a quest to become their best friends.

Godzilla vs Biollante: The Japanese Ghostbusters create a really, really, really, really fat flower and Godzilla now looks smexy.

Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: Hippies from the year 129309348483403483803 bring some bat things to an island thing and a dino thing and Godzilla thing and some anger management dragon appear.

Godzilla vs Mothra: ... H-Huh? Oh, sorry I forgot.

Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla 2: GODZILLA FIRES HIS LAZER BWAHHHHHHHHHHH

Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: Godzilla fights an edgy clone who kidnaps his derpy son. Also, a weird mole robot gets #rekt.

Godzilla vs Destoroyah: Mr Krabs becomes Satan and fights Godzilla who dies. TEH END.


Rebirth of Mothra: King Ghidorah goes edgelord and Mothra makes a cameo.

Rebirth of Mothra 2: Puff the Magic Dragon fights recolor OC's of Mothra.

Rebirth of Mothra 3: King Ghidorah wants ALL the kids in his black van..


Gamera: Guardian of the Universe: Large turtle fights murder bird.

Gamera 2: Attack of Legion: Turtle vs Space Bugs.

Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris: Turtle looses arm and fights more murder birds after being attacked by a Rule 34 Squid.
Last edited by BlueGojira on Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by HedorahGrabber »

Godzilla 1984: Cold war movie with Godzilla in it
Godzilla vs. Biollante: Non American Caucasian actors scream multiple times while the characters can't decide if they should call him Godzilla or Godziller.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: People from the future come to the past just to give japan continuity errors.
Godzilla vs. Mothra: Grew up idolizing Mothra, became an adult and realized Battra made more sense.
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla: Pteranodons, Pteranodons everywhere.
Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla: A clone of Godzilla comes down to earth just to mess with the continuity again.
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Glow in the dark never been so deadly.
Rebirth of Mothra: Gives message to be good to the environment while all the destruction was caused by giant monsters.
Rebirth of Mothra II: At least Dagahra is gonna be in the anime.
Rebirth of Mothra III: We still haven't made a good looking city destruction sequence in this trilogy, haven't we?
Last edited by HedorahGrabber on Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Destorogoji »

Godzilla: Godzilla likes birds and cries.
Godzilla vs Biollante: Godzilla's sister has some temper issues.
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: The Terminator meets Godzilla.
Godzilla vs Mothra: Godzilla gets in the middle of a brothers fight.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla: Godzilla faces parental custody.
Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla: My drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens! Oh yeah, and Minilla's remake.
Godzilla vs Destoroyah: Buncha crabs dreams to be a dinosaur.
Mothra: MOMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!
Mothra II: Leo faces his greatest enemy on water.
Mothra III: Leo faces his greatest enemy... on land.
Gamera: Atlantis creations fucks each other in the present.
Gamera 2: Pollination on a new level.
Gamera 3: Gamera becomes Jesus Christ and fights hentai monster.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Zarm »

The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla wanders confusedly around Tokyo while three people get stuck in a stairwell. (Oh, wait, that's how I actually describe it in normal circumstances, too...)
Godzilla vs. Biollante: A giant plant is immediately set on fire by Godzilla, then comes back to later be immediately set on fire again, but in a much cooler way.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Uncomfortable World War 2 scenes are the reward for a time travel plot that no one understands and the day is saved when King Ghidorah both loses and wins with the help of an increidbly gullible turncoat.
Godzilla vs. Mothra: Several moths fight for vaguely-defined reasons then change their mind when Godzilla shows up.
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II: An idiot gets a girlfriend while the most uninteresting custody battle ever dramatized interrupts the biggest Deus Ex Machina defeat in kaiju history with the biggest Deus Ex Machina comeback in kaiju history.
Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla: A very long, very pretty fight scene prevents a moron from shooting chemicals into an armpit, featuring a cameo by the Yakuza.
Godzilla vs. Destroyah: Excellent showa continuity replaces actual heisei continuity from the previous movie and a really annoying, immobile personification of the ultimate weapon fails to be responsible for the death of any kaiju.
Rebrith of Mothra: The most unsubtle environmental film in history makes you cry when a moth dies.
Rebirth of Mothra II: A bunch of kids and a urinating tribble are inserted into an Indiana Jones film.
Rebirth of Mothra III: King Ghidorah dies approximately three times thanks to time travel.
Gamera, Guardian of the Universe: A bunch of idiots try to save birds that want to kill them until Gamera stops them.
Gamera 2: Advent of Legion: Gamera dies when a flower germinates, then his chest explodes open with a hole the size of a small building but this time he survives.
Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris: Gamera has to kill a little girl's pet to prove that he's not a bad guy for killing her family.


Edit:
'Genetic engineering and possessed plants make something that sounds like a whale.'
'A psychic hallucinates that she can see fairies riding on a butterfly'
'... H-Huh? Oh, sorry I forgot.'
'Gives message to be good to the environment while all the destruction was caused by giant monsters.'

Oh, man, you guys- this was the thread I needed, today. :lol:
Last edited by Zarm on Mon Apr 03, 2017 10:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by HedorahGrabber »

Zarm wrote:The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla wanders confusedly around Tokyo while three people get stuck in a stairwell. (Oh, wait, that's how I actually describe it in normal circumstances, too...)
Godzilla vs. Biollante: A giant plant is immediately set on fire by Godzilla, then comes back to later be immediately set on fire again, but in a much cooler way.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Uncomfortable World War 2 scenes are the reward for a time travel plot that no one understands and the day is saved when King Ghidorah both loses and wins with the help of an increidbly gullible turncoat.
Godzilla vs. Mothra: Several moths fight for vaguely-defined reasons then change their mind when Godzilla shows up.
Modzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II: An idiot gets a girlfriend while the most uninteresting custody battle ever dramatized interrupts the biggest Deus Ex Machina defeat in kaiju history with the biggest Deus Ex Machina comeback in kaiju history.
Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla: A very long, very pretty fight scene prevents a moron from shooting chemicals into an armpit, featuring a cameo by the Yakuza.
Godzilla vs. Destroyah: Excellent showa continuity replaces actual heisei continuity from the previous movie and a really annoying, immobile personification of the ultimate weapon fails to be responsible for the death of any kaiju.
Rebrith of Mothra: The most unsubtle environmental film in history makes you cry when a moth dies.
Rebirth of Mothra II: A bunch of kids and a urinating tribble are inserted into an Indiana Jones film.
Rebirth of Mothra III: King Ghidorah dies approximately three times thanks to time travel.
Gamera, Guardian of the Universe: A bunch of idiots try to save birds that want to kill them until Gamera stops them.
Gamera 2: Advent of Legion: Gamera dies when a flower germinates, then his chest explodes open with a hole the size of a small building but this time he survives.
Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris: Gamera has to kill a little girl's pet to prove that he's not a bad guy for killing her family.


Edit:
'Genetic engineering and possessed plants make something that sounds like a whale.'
'A psychic hallucinates that she can see fairies riding on a butterfly'
'... H-Huh? Oh, sorry I forgot.'
'Gives message to be good to the environment while all the destruction was caused by giant monsters.'

Oh, man, you guys- this was the thread I needed, today. :lol:
Modzilla? That should be a thing.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Zarm »

I think that's who MM Raids Again was pretending to be for April Fools Day. ;)
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Return of Godzilla: Godzilla attacks Japan, gets knocked out by a military weapon (literally GINO, how dare they, he's supposed to be a metaphor!), then gets tricked into falling into a volcano.
Biollante: Godzilla's cells can do whatever the plot wants them to, rose bushes can contain human souls, and souls somehow effect genetic engineering. Godzilla's cells, plus a rose, somehow create a monster way bigger than Godzilla.
King Ghidorah: Japan conquers the world in the future, time travel is no big deal in the future, and America is evil. Time paradoxes aren't a thing, and continuity doesn't matter.
Mothra: Mothra's eco-terrorist brother shows up, and subtlety is thrown out the window and lit on fire. Guest starring Godzilla.
Mechagodzilla: Dinosaurs still exist, radiation does whatever the plot wants it to, and Godzilla gets a new weakness never brought up again. Humanity builds a robot that almost kills Godzilla, but is stopped when Rodan sacrifices himself for the sake of... what exactly?
SpaceGodzilla: Godzilla's illegitimate son, whose mother is either Biollante or Mothra, shows up to get revenge on Godzilla for not paying child support. Fortunately, humanity somehow gathered enough material from the flaming wreck of Mechagodzilla to build a robot penguin.
Destoroyah: Serizawa's heart-wrenching sacrifice from the movie is completely meaningless, as a random scientist somehow creates something similar enough. This creates the winner of the Heisei thigh-off. Meanwhile, Godzilla has a bad case of heartburn, and his son has gotten past his Minya phase.
RoM: Mothra and her son fight a dragon that somehow killed the dinosaurs while Cretaceous Ghidorah killed them. Mothra dies, and her son fights with more beams than the last few movies put together. Directed by Al Gore.
RoM 2: Who got their Showa Gamera kids, and a stupid kid appeal character which is also a deus ex machina, in my Mothra?
RoM 3: King Ghidorah steals children, attacks them with tentacles, then beats up Leo. After a quick bout of time travel, Leo comes back as the stronkest moth.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by edgaguirus »

RoG: Godzilla kills flying tank and city, but falls for bird calls.

G vs Bio: Godzilla gets ass kicked by a rose.

G vs SG: Alien Godzilla meets Earth self and transformer.

G vs D: Godzilla finally gets revenge on the oxygen destroyer, and Junior continues dad's legacy.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by LamangoKaijura »

Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: GLORIUS 40 YEAR OLD JAPANESE MAN ASS ON SCREEN
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by TitanoGoji16 »

Return of Godzilla: Godzilla wakes up, throws a tantrum, then falls into a hole.
Godzilla 1985: Godzilla wakes up, throws a tantrum, then falls into a hole. Plus Raymond Burr.
Godzilla vs. Biollante: Godzilla does some gardening.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Well, someone just watched Back to the Future for the first time. And The Terminator.
Godzilla vs. Mothra: Godzilla, king of the bug zappers.
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla: Two kaiju, a bot, and a baby.
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: Two kaiju, a bot, and a baby.
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Godzilla rage quits due to crabs.
Godzilla (1998): That's a lot of fish.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Mac Daddy MM »

The Return of Godzilla: Where's Steve Martin? Oh, there he is.
Godzilla vs. Biollante: Smoke Weed Everyday.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: The Terminator featuring Godzilla.
Godzilla vs. Mothra: Sell out the movie featuring Mothra.
Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla 2: We couldn't use Mechani-Kong so here's MechaGodzilla.
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: A cosmic clone of Godzilla gets hooked on crystal meth and an intervention takes a violent turn.
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Godzilla has a heart attack.

GODZILLA: Live action Simpsons featuring a giant lizard and Jean Reno.
Yamato Takeru: Toho tries something new. It fails.
Rebirth of Mothra Trilogy: Here's some Godzilla movies with Godzilla substituted by Mothra.


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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Giratina93 »

Return of Godzilla: "Shin before Shin existed, and done much better"
GvB: "Godzilla vs Audrey's much larger cousin, also staring PSYCHICS!"
GvKG: "Remember kids, Multiverse Theory's a bitch."
GvM: "Time to remake the Showa classic, but with none of the charm and with EDGY LA MOTH!"
GvMG2: "A dinosaur, a pterosaur, and a mecha all walk into a custody battle over a baby..."
GvSG: "It's the first half of the Saiyan Arc, only GODZILLA TIME!"
GvD: "Godzilla takes on crabs while he's dying"
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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RoG: Godzilla gets involved in the Cold War. Aka Godzilla vs NATO and the Soviets

GvB: A rose turns into a kaiju and beats up Godzilla because he was high.

GvKG: Godzilla vs the DeLorean

GaM: BfE: Showa version, except with another moth

GvMGII: Godzilla battles a pterosaur over parental rights while a giant robot version of Godzilla tries to kill them both

GvSG: Dragon Ball Z: The Godzilla Saga

GvD: Crabs give Godzilla major heartburn

RoM: Mothra dies. Again. Her offspring save the day. Again.

RoM II: Swimming moth fights sea dragon

RoM III: King Ghidorah becomes a child abuser, beats up Leo, and then Leo time travels to become the God of the Moths.

Zilla: The Lost Simpsons episode

Yamato Takeru: Ghidorah has eight heads now.

Gamera: GOTU: Turtle vs Flock of Birds

Gamera: AoL: Turtle vs Aliens

Gamera: RoI: Turtle vs Hentai and Flock of Birds
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Two men who look like they belong in a porno come with a hot chick from the future and her pet Übermensch android, and decide they will go back in time to erase a dinosaur from history. It is revealed Godzilla fulfills every Japanese persons wet dream and fucks up every Americunt soldier during a battle in World War II. He then gets blown up by a battleship with the entire three surviving wiggers cheering for their short lived victory, before the dino comes back to life and gets a nice slice of sweet revenge. After removing him with bad 80's effects, the aliens put their three cute Littlest Pet Shop abominations on the island, and the atom bomb test merges them into Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon, who is pwning humanity back to the stone-age. Turns out a bigger Godzilla was created, making the first half of the film entirely pointless. Godzilla shows up. The nazi-future people laugh at him, but then the sexy azn and her arian robot tell them to take their fancy future computer and shove it up their asses and blow up everything. After doing some auto-erotic asphyxiation with a dragon, the dino blows off super Smaug's head, and drops the fucker right into the ocean like seagull shit. Godzilla then fucks everything up, but then the future or some shit comes into place and a robot dragon piloted by the hot chick shows up and drops them both in the ocean right after it shocks Godzilla with an electric chastity belt

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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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1984: A thick, cross eyed, Godzilla w/ deflated spines steals a reactor but is distracted by his fetish for birds, eventually being friend-zoned by said birds into a volcano.
1985: DR PEPPER saves the world with Raymond burr pretending to be important, also DR PEPPER.
1989: After seven years of facial surgery, Godzilla fights the world's first SJW, who is a fat excuse of a rose hybrid. Also GEEnetics r EVIL!!!
1991: Godzilla gets even fatter due to convoluted plot lines & fights the lamest version of Ghidorah to date, then he fights a robot Ghidorah who has some relevancy later.
1992: In a piss poor attempt to remake MvsG, Mothra finds her long lost brother/lover/newest thief of Rodan's roar, Batterup, and Godzilla has a seizure from the SPARKLEZ.
1993: Goji fights the EXTRA THICC version of MechaGodzilla, who was made from Mecha-Ghidorah, he and the stiffest version of Rodan(excuse me, RADON!) fight for custody of a baby godziller.
1994: the worst music since Godzilla vs meh-gallon is playing as Fat(NOT Bolky,FAAAT)zilla and a drill headed robo-penguin fight a poorly named expy of Godzilla. FEATURING THE KAWAII VERSION OF MINYA
1995: EXTRATHICCzilla gets sympathetic despite not being nearly as sympathetic as the Showa G,his son becomes cool/dies/lives and they fight the THICCEST OF THE THICC, who happens to have a stupidly butchered name.
1998: a parody of monster films that not only insults and defies what Godzilla is, but doesn't count as a Godzilla movie, leading to an overrated tv show that isn't good enough.
RoM : Ghidorah dies in two of these and the first Male mothra appears/becomes a mary sue.
Gamera: a giant turtle copys the attempt Godzilla made to be edgy/grimdark, succeeds to become more loved than most of the heisei Godzilla movies.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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THE RETURN OF GODZILLA: Godzilla is back, and has a major hard-on for birds, which led him to be trapped in a volcano. Oh, and there's also a hobo soemwhere...

GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE: Godzilla takes on Audrey from LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. There's an Arab John Wick with a sniper, psychics, two foreign super powers fighting over Godzilla cells, and a teenage colonel.

GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORAH: Godzilla's origins are revealed as a T-rex with Gamera's roars, Americans with bad dialogue, a three-headed super dragon mutated from three Hatchimals, and a Time travel plot that is just as confusing as the timeline of the X-Men movies.

GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA: Godzilla's pissed, Mothra is a plush from Build-A-Bear Workshop, singing psychic Barbies, a Black Mothra (not to be racist), and a divorced couple bickering over child support.

GODZILLA VS. MECHAGODZILLA: A robot Godzilla, a guy with a major hard-on for pterodactyls, a female scientist bonds with Baby Godzilla, Godzilla and Rodan's custody battle, while Mechagodzilla is Child Services.

GODZILLA VS. SPACEGODZILLA: MOST CLICHED SCI-FI PLOT ELEMENT EVER!!!!!!! Godzilla takes on his evil clone brother, spawned from his cells in... SPACE. Hooked with psychic powers, and crystals that'll make meth-heads drool, SpaceGodzilla kidnaps Little Godzilla. And MOGUERA joins the fray. And there's a Yakuza subplot, but that's not important...

GODZILLA VS. DESTOROYAH: Godzilla is having a nuclear heart attack from eating too much red meat (nuclear energy), a monster spawned from the machine that killed Godzilla''s grandpappy in 1954, a scene that looks like a Doom Level or a Ridley Scott Alien movie, Destoroyah, the closest thing to Satan in these movies. And the most saddest death scene in the history of cinema.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

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Return of Godzilla: Godzilla can't look down, so he relies on his friends the birds to direct him. Tragedy strikes when they betray him.

Godzilla vs Biollante: Possessed asparagus attacks Godzilla while a psychic with enormous ears and a emotionally challenged scientist try to blow up Ahab the Arab with a
lightning machine.

Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: The Godzilla franchise tries to win the "worst acting and plot" award back from the Star Wars franchise.

Godzilla vs Mothra: The dub makes it even worse.

Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla 2: This franchise is so into lasers and sparkles that they change Rodan's powers.

Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla: Godzilla's relative who's so obsessed with the dawning of the age of Aquarius that he filled himself with crystal piercings seals away bubblesaurus
and beats Godzilla up, only to be destroyed by robopenguin and his accomplice Man-Butt.

Godzilla vs Destoroyah: According to the original subtitles- Good loans will save mankind from Thighosaurus and Godzilla's hot body.
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by godzillafan1954 »

The Return of Godzilla: "Birds!"
Godzilla vs. Biollante: Godzilla takes a stroll, ANEB takes its toll. Also a possessed plant tries to eat Godzilla.
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Why is Godzilla still here?
Godzilla vs. Mothra: Japanese Indiana Jones. A bad Mothra.
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II: Godzilla is not the father.
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: "Daddy! Help me!"
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: Dr. Serizawa reincarnated. Godzilla does not survive.
eabaker wrote: Mon Oct 24, 2022 8:31 am
Jetty_Jags wrote: Mon Oct 24, 2022 7:11 am I’d consider 2001 baragon to have some pink undertones.
I hear a distant rumbling... What's that?! It's coming from under the ground!

Oh, God! It's Baragon with Pink undertones! Can't you hear its terrifying cry?!

"Baragooooooon's comin' up, so you better get this party started!"

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Tarbosaurus
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Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly

Post by Tarbosaurus »

Alternate-
Godzilla vs. Mothra:
Godzilla - "Why am I even here?"
Mothra - "I dunno."
Godzilla - "What's going on?"
Mothra - "I dunno."
Godzilla - "Why do I suddenly hate you?"
Mothra - "Oh no..."
"That's what I get for attacking a pirate-scientist." - POLE7645 on Ogata's life choices

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