Titanoterror98 wrote:Not bad! I can see what the others were saying: the characters could use more descriptions, Spikesaurus needed more foreshadowing and detail, the transitions could have been clearer, the human plot could have been fleshed out more, and maybe go into a little more detail about where the human scenes take place, and maybe the history of this world and its Godzilla(s). But other than that, I thought it was a fun read! I like that you put some pathos into your story, like the little moments between human characters, like the military meetings or Natori and his mom, or Godzilla attempting to protect Junior as he goes into meltdown. I also like the atmosphere you built up at the beginning, and the energy of the fight scenes! I think that if you can pay attention to your criticisms but focus on what you did right, you could be telling some good kaiju fiction before you know it!
Thanks man!
Titanoterror98 wrote:BTW: I know some of the guys on here compared Spikesaurus to Bagan, but as I was reading, I couldn't help but think of him as an Anguirus offshoot. Was that intentional?
MinorBone Good wrote:I really enjoyed it! Though I think everything zoomed by too quickly for my tastes, I think a slightly slower pace would help! Keep going, dude!
Many people here have said my thoughts: relatively solid action coupled with pockets of superb description carries this story. Think of the description like having a couple of big bobs of jelly on a pb&j - most of the bites you take are just peanut butter and when you do get the jelly it's a bit too much. Spreading the proverbial description jelly would be the first step to improvement.
All in all a pretty good story man!
goji89 wrote:
Dawsbfiremind wrote:People have asked me how I can want to be a writer
With skills like this......I wonder too.
MechaGoji Bro7503 wrote:Holy mother of Bagan we actually are stuck in limbo.
Dawsbfiremind wrote:Sorry gfan. As you guessed, I've been a wee busy.
Many people here have said my thoughts: relatively solid action coupled with pockets of superb description carries this story. Think of the description like having a couple of big bobs of jelly on a pb&j - most of the bites you take are just peanut butter and when you do get the jelly it's a bit too much. Spreading the proverbial description jelly would be the first step to improvement.
Dawsbfiremind wrote:Sorry gfan. As you guessed, I've been a wee busy.
Many people here have said my thoughts: relatively solid action coupled with pockets of superb description carries this story. Think of the description like having a couple of big bobs of jelly on a pb&j - most of the bites you take are just peanut butter and when you do get the jelly it's a bit too much. Spreading the proverbial description jelly would be the first step to improvement.
All in all a pretty good story man!
Thanks, brudda!
Sorry it took so long.
goji89 wrote:
Dawsbfiremind wrote:People have asked me how I can want to be a writer
With skills like this......I wonder too.
MechaGoji Bro7503 wrote:Holy mother of Bagan we actually are stuck in limbo.
I'd echo the crowd; there needs to be a bit more descriptive passages- scene-setting details and the like, to slow the pace down and give a little more detail- in the human interactions. A little more buildup to Spikeasaurus, for sure. I clearly have nothing original to contribute. But with a bit of a more measured pace, it makes a nice collage of elements, a hybrid of showa, heisei, and millenium in combination. A good concept!
KaijuCanuck wrote:It’s part of my secret plan to create a fifth column in the US, pre-emoting our glorious conquest and the creation of the Canadian Empire, upon which the sun will consistently set after less than eight hours of daylight.
The grace of God is a greater gift than we can truly fathom; undeserved mercy is a kindness humbling in its sheer scope.
The Zone Fighter campaign is complete, with all episodes subtitled! PM me if you need a link location.
Zarm wrote:I'd echo the crowd; there needs to be a bit more descriptive passages- scene-setting details and the like, to slow the pace down and give a little more detail- in the human interactions. A little more buildup to Spikeasaurus, for sure. I clearly have nothing original to contribute. But with a bit of a more measured pace, it makes a nice collage of elements, a hybrid of showa, heisei, and millenium in combination. A good concept!
Within the two days Megalon had been present, another monster reawakened. It hadn't been heard from since its last appearance in late 2016, but now it had a reason to show up. It's dorsal plates ripped through the water, creating massive wakes as it swam at top speed. A man on a small fishing vessel spotted the three distinct rows of spines heading straight for him and dropped his binoculars as he realized what he was looking at. The huge waves following Godzilla capsized the man's boat.
Godzilla arrived in Sagami Bay and began heading for Hiratsuka. A separate team had been sent out to intercept the monster. As Godzilla made landfall, G-Force fired round upon round of gunfire and missiles. The nuclear reptilian kept his pace, not even acknowledging the weapons. As he made his way through the city, Godzilla caused minimum destruction, only crushing smaller buildings in his path. G-Force retreated and reconsidered their strategy. The strikes failed to even get Godzilla's attention.
After several failed attempts, Yukijiro finally came to a decision.
Hooooly moly. Today marks 5 years since Godzilla: Birth of a King was released. Half a decade. Wild.
Been working on the revised draft and I plan to have it out this year. Don't want to attach a date to that, in case I don't get it done on time. But it'll hopefully be this year!
Added in 2 minutes 46 seconds: GODZILLA: BIRTH OF A KING (Revised)
[Year: 2003]
Shibuya, Japan. Once a bustling, beautiful city, now a darkened ghost town. Much of the city had been destroyed in a battle between two titans from an age before man. Godzilla and his ancient rival took to the seas with their ferocious brawl, leaving behind an unbelievable scene. Skyscrapers that had once towered high above the city streets were now reduced to twisted heaps of metal and concrete. The once smooth and pristine roadways were now pitted with craters and lined with rubble. In the distance, a fire raged out of control, casting an eerie glow over the desolate landscape. Smoke billowed upward, shrouding the sky with a somber hue.
As the dust settled, a team of first responders arrived on the scene, their faces grim as they surveyed the all-encompassing destruction before them. They had been tasked with the unenviable job of searching for survivors of the cataclysmic affray and recovering the bodies of the deceased. Among the group was a young woman, a trainee, who had only recently joined the team. She was nervous; her heart pounded in her chest. She had never seen anything like this before, and the sight of so much devastation was overwhelming.
As they navigated the debris-littered streets, the team came across a pile of rubble. With practiced efficiency, they began to flip over the debris in search of any survivors. The trainee assisted in moving a large concrete slab when suddenly she froze in horror. There, lying beneath the ruins, were the bodies of a woman and her two children. They were motionless; their faces twisted in agony. It was clear that they had not survived the attack. At the sight of this, the trainee fell to shaking knees. Tears welled up in her eyes as she was reminded of her own tragic past. In her childhood, her mother and unborn sibling had died during labor, and seeing the ruined family before her brought the painful memory rushing back. A wave of helplessness fell over the young woman as she looked up at the rest of the destroyed city, now feeling unprepared for the job ahead of her...