Discuss Mothra Freak's FanFics

[Mothra Freak]

Well, since nobody really posts in the threads, I guess you can post what you think here. I always finish them before I post them, so... yeah...
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[HyperGFreak]

Heh...first thing that hits my mind when I see Deutalios as a pet is the hyperactive rodent from Vega’s toons, and I start wondering how on earth they can actually keep that thing under control... Anyway, for constructive criticism...Mecha-G gets launched a bit too early after they discover Goji, in my opinion. You give a few paragraphs of break between them wondering about it before they go for it...and if the plant regenerates, that’s not going to make THAT big an impact on crop production...still a nice idea, though. I can see fields regenerating from locusts already. Deutalios’s death angering Erika is a bit...eh. I mean, that’s a bit exaggerated…the lady stopping Bio from waking Ghids just appears without any warning, too.

For comments, interesting how Mechagodzilla actually functions underwater and “thinks.” I know there’s AI and all, but he seems to do it a bit much for a machine...And I got a laugh at “We’re safe, we’re thirteen feet underground!” Not from giant kaiju, you’re safe... Might as well be saying you’re seven feet under already. In contrast to the Deutalios scene, I loved your twist on Biollante’s creation. Shiragami goes nuts and tries to do good actually (though she did seem like she was going to make it… >.>), but makes a monster...like his passion there. The soul-stealing was a bit unnecessary, though...he could have just injected her with G-cells or something...his regaining sanity just...happens, too. Surprised there’s nothing about him in the ending...

Anyway, excellent story, excellent parallels, though could be less rushed and more expanded in a few places, especially for increasing the emotion. Still, that’s a given, for a one-shot...

Oh yeah... “IT’S ALIVE!” one more time for overkill. xD
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[Mothra Freak]

Thanks. Soon, I'll post the next one, "Attack of the Smog Monster", although I don't think that one's as good as "Biollante". Although I'm not holding back anything with "Ghidrah, the Astro-Terror", so expect that to be the pinnacle.

And that lady was actually Yuri, from "The Wrath of Godzilla". Yeah, Dr. Shiragami just kinda disappears... nothing I really could do with him, at least nothing I saw.

Got a question though, did you like Miki and my interpretation of the Elias?
Oh, and another: was this better or worse than "The Wrath of Godzilla"?
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[HyperGFreak]

know she was Yuri, you stated it...but her appearance is still random. Seriously, she’s hiding in a bush up near Ghidorah to pop out and yell something up at Ghidorah? I’d rather have even taken mental contact between the kaiju or something or telepathy...she just appears from nowhere. Shiragami could’ve used a wrap-up or something...like whatever the hell he did with his life next...

Miki was fine. Elias...was...a bit random, sort of like Yuri, I guess, but she’s fine where she is. Personally, I liked the Wrath of Godzilla a little better...in a way, the whole flow and parallels in Biollante are much better, but it’s very anticlimactic. As I said before, expanding on Erika’s thoughts and the new Godzilla, making it less condensed, would fix a lot of that. Your first seems to move slower...it has the typical “everyone mobs Ghidorah” plotline, but I liked it a bit better. As a nitpick, both of them seem to overuse some fairly...iffy plotlines, even on kaiju standards. Blowing up a building to actually hurt a kaiju...and all that yelling up a few hundred meters in Bio really isn’t going to happen. I mean, I can let Shiragami get away with it at the end, for raw emotional effect, but in some of the other cases...

As for Hedorah, now. Comment on something I noticed now...the mini-section titles aren’t necessary. There isn’t really much of a summary needed of the two or three paragraphs. Hedorah and Mecha-G still seem a bit too human, particularly the former...he grins and seems to actually have quite a bit of intelligence, and the latter still “thinks” and “fears for his life.” Goji...chin scratching is pretty unfeasible for his physical structure, but I still got a laugh out of “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?!” The usage of the Absolute Zero Cannon was nice, though it was a bit...anticlimactic. For a weapon with such an obscenely dramatic and long charge time, you just go and use it. XD Using psychic powers to literally free Godzilla from the AZC is also a bit of a stretch, considering how it honestly hasn’t really been used for much more than levitation and sensing in the series. Ice would probably melt after a while, anyway, on its own...might have been better that way, letting Hedorah rampage a bit before being stopped. And having sunlight reflected...uhh...well, that’s a pretty major effect, but Showa’s easily outdone it, so I can live with that.

I enjoyed what you added for the details of what pollution was doing to the world. Much more relevant to today’s society...a bit better than whatever the movie did, from what I remember accurately (which, granted, isn’t much). Hedorah being an alien that feeds on smog...innovative, though not as much impact as being man-created in this case. Fun twist with the submersible name, too. Ending fight was pretty nice, as well...the electrodes could have just been used more, I guess. Giving Mechagodzilla the Hyper Maser might actually have been rather nice, too. In a way, I’m sort of disappointed Bio is gone...Biollante and Hedorah is a nice clash I’ve yet to see in full blow.

Overall, nice story...hooked me, because I’m the whole guy scared of global warming and whatnot, though same as last time: less condensed is better. You still have pretty big time jumps.
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[Mothra Freak]

Well, to be honest, I didn't think you'd like "Attack of the Smog Monster" as much. Although, I will go ahead and say Biollante is in no way dead... she actually had a bit of a cameo in the story, and she'll definitely have much more influence in "Ghidrah, the Astro-Terror".

I did try to characterize Godzilla as being a bit of a grump, hah.
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[HyperGFreak]

Deleted the double post.

Sweeeet, a Spanish Baragon priest. You’ve got better descriptions now, that turkey actually sounded pretty good there, and some of the actions and movements seem to...flow better. Godzilla firing the ray, metaphors, blah blah blah... I had to laugh at the poor sap who yelled “Damn you!” when he clearly was the one who got Moguera blown up, being lead pilot and all...Dunno why I always have a pet peeve with people literally listing the Mothra song lyrics, but I’ve never really liked it being sung, let alone having to read it.

Anyway, I really liked this one. Waaaaaaay better than that Hedorah one you had. Prophecies and all that stuff is old, even with kaiju working as ferries, but you didn’t turn it into a complete dump, so...yeah, was nice. Wish there was more foreshadowing of the dawn and dusk kaiju and whatnot, but I like the idea of the alliances and stuff. Your fight scenes are better, not as blunt, and your story transitions better as well. The Destoroyah and lava thing actually made damning sense this time, unlike *omg* others...I still find that some of your supposedly less “humanized” kaiju think too much, but that’s forgivable. The Matango were pretty awesome, too...not what I’d think to go with Ghidorah, but Biollante coming back to stomp them was nice.

The guy’s “death” was fairly anticlimactic, though, just like last time. Look forwards to the next big “final battle” thing, even if...Mechagigantis is a bit eh.

...

...

I’ve got to say, though the Clover and Zilla part was completely uncalled for, but equally hilarious. I guess after GFW did that the “original” pwning the followup, it couldn’t be helped. Didn’t know Clover was a girl, either...
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[Mothra Freak]

Eh, technically, that was Clover's mom.

Anyways, glad you liked it as always. And yeah, I needed a doppleganger for each one, so I kinda had to... um... improvise. I guess. It'd be kinda hard to call him Mechaspacegodzilla several times a section.

Yeah, the next one will be the last in this series for a while.
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[Mothra Freak]

Bump, for my first non-Godzilla fanfic.
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[HyperGFreak]

...jesus christ, when was the last time you wrote something? <.< What happened to that other one you were making, anyway?

*Shrugs* I'm counting on you here to give me an accurate representation of the Transformers mythos that I'm not all that familiar with outside of Bay's films, so I'm going to trust you on all this for one...though it does seem to match up with what I do know. Excellent work building up a story with the prologue, and what your one-on-one fight scenes lack in length you make up with the depth of the battle's chaos and the tactics used. And I actually recognize some of the names, too!

So are we getting a thong in this one, then?
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[Mothra Freak]

Eh, I've been all Godzillaed-out. Tried to keep writing it, but forcing things never works. It always turns out crappy. If I ever get the itch again, I'll definitely go back to it, but for now, Godzilla's gonna have to wait.

Thanks. This is actually my first Transformers-related fic, so I'm definitely gonna try my hardest. I'm working on Chapter One right now, but I've been a little busy this past week. School sucks. Plain and simple.

No thongs, though. DEFINITELY no robo-nuts, either.
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